Are you ready to give your kid a 'Tablet' ?

A week ago kidlet's school had a meeting where parents were told that iPads were bad for young minds and arms. Expectedly so, there were murmurings all around at the debatable decree. Though the teachers went on to state that they were not saying 'not-ever' but rather 'not-now'.
Brought me back to ponder our own decision to not get an iPad - for us, the home or indeed the kidlet. It was not a well thought out, all pro and cons weighed decision to be very honest. Actually the decision was hardly one to be made at all since we are a very techno-ambivalent family who are likely to be unexcited about anything gadgety. However, there were social pointers all along (at least since the last two years) kids around us were raving about this new 'toy'. Conversations were about the latest apps. Local newspapers started running features on best educational apps. And the killer - playground mothers claiming sharp jumps in vocabulary and math skills- all thanks to fantastic apps!
I was tempted to think about it for a wee bit of time. But one feel of the iPad and my tiny kidlet's wrists and the decision was easy to make. And there we let it rest. Thats until - I went and got myself an iPhone! On our trip to the US this year - the only time we got unlimited access to super-fast WiFi - I downloaded a few 'educational' apps. None the wiser about popularity of these things I just trusted the star system to choose. Kidlet was predictably very happy and it took her almost no time to figure it out. At first I was very impressed at how fast she picked up the game (it involved addition and subtraction - concepts still new to her). Also, come on - what a fantastic baby sitter! I could suspend imagination in my book and she could be soundless for stretches of time en-gripped by her game. I can see why its so easy to get hooked.
Back in India with the lousy net connection on my phone and the aforementioned gadget unfriendliness, the addiction to the games fortunately died a slow and natural death. But to be very honest it did make me wonder- what's the harm in learning a few new things through technology? After all that IS the way forward - if not already the way. And there are so many things out there that kids pick up that you and I, on an ordinary day would not even fathom acquainting them with?
The meeting the other day in kidlet's school made me start thinking again. How early is too early? How much is too much? And are our inhibitions based on evaluations of benefits/dangers or are they just schema based on our own childhood experiences and what we have been taught to believe? Wish there was an easy answer to that.

Networking down :)

Been a while, been a while! Have been off social networking sites and blogging for a little while now. There was no specific reason for it. I just felt suddenly 'off' being on the information treadmill constantly - whether self or other generated! I must say I was not entirely successful- I found myself sneaking onto twitter (which I hadn't deactivated) or craving FB (which I had). Wrote numerous 'potential blog notes' on my iphone. But then I left it at that. It has pretty much been a time on catching up on real life without any digital incursions. And like various others have noted before me, once you get used to it, you don't really miss it!
This once in a while detachment makes me feel good actually. Like a wee bit of meditation -don't laugh! It may sound crazy but in retrospect for all the (relatively little) online interactions that I had - my brain used to feel like a cauldron of tiny spark plugs not knowing what to do with the incessant activity. And I just do not mean just excess information - there were these emotional responses going all over the place. Needless turmoil happening over pointless incidents. I mean really - feeling slighted when some rank stranger does not reply to a twitter comment? What is that? Losing sleep over few or no comments on basically narcissistic pictures uploaded on facebook. And errm, losing hair over low blog readership!! As if there were not enough real problems to deal with - I was adding to them a legion of imagined slights.
So, now why am I back? Who can I kid. I need to be in the know, it feels odd getting the news from the papers the next day, and not breaking by the second on twitter. I miss the easy repartee which one can share with total strangers - and not feel obliged to be anything further. I do definitely like catching up on people I would have otherwise relegated to memory had it not been for facebook. And why would I call myself a TypeWriterMom if I did not have an updated blog for all to see :)

Am I too much about Me?

The incredible lightness of being had taken over. Not in physical terms of course (more about that later)! I just had really bad tech karma last month - involving a titanic promise Mac machine-which sank..a telephone sim card which wiped itself out and other some such. We also had the annual Mummy show - the Project day at kidlet's school that is. I turned a year older - yeah that happened too.
But not too much about me this time. I mean I realised there is too much about me on this blog - am I supposed to be feeling guilty about it in the first place? Is it politically correct to say that you have a blog with 'Mommy' in its title but not really write too much about being one? Is it stupid to feel guilty - or am I just being feminist about a non-issue? Who knows!
Anyhow, ever since I got back to blogging and acquainted myself with twitter, I've gotten myself surrounded by people who seem to not only be amazing mothers but also very intuitive and expressive ones at that. I read about other people describing their children in intimate detail and fondness. I feel close to their experience - because even if their realities may be starkly different from my day to day existence, there is something very universal and touching about their experiences. Most of the time I find myself paraphrasing that 'this happened to me too..my kidlet does that too..'. An then of course the thought comes to me - why did I not think of that to pick up, dust up and frame for posterity. Am I going about my days being a non-observant mother, or am I just too caught up in the minutes and the to-dos that I miss the daily wonder of living with a growing child? Am I just being too self-indulgent in thinking that all mothers have the ability to even pick up the 'wonder' quotient from their daily lives? Well, I do not think so, really. For I know for a fact that there a several occasions in a day when I am paused by something incredible (in my eyes ) that my child has done or said, but then the moment passes and we move on to the next. I have never been a journaling sort - pictorially, verbally or otherwise. It is a deficit that I have lived with. But now, I wonder if it is time to remedy it.
I would like to really try. So be forewarned, a lot of kidlet to be coming up in the following blog posts. If she doesn't turn up and there is to much of 'Me' around kindly give me a slight nudge ;)

The month that weighs in ;)

It is April already? It is already April! Is it?

This is the special-est month for me in the year, because of course, my birthday falls in this month and not to mention it is summer holiday time! Call me childish, but give me some credit for still getting excited about a birthday. Most people on the wrong side of thirty nowadays would rather mope around the birthday month - that it lasts just till their fortieth comes around, is another matter.

I am telling you, the only time I really dreaded my birthday was when I was about to turn 30. Sort of momentous, isn't it? The big 3-0 ;) Anyways, now that the milestone has been crossed I don't worry too much about the age than as much about the size. My size, that is. The bitter weight gain-weight loss yo-yo that I have been on since getting pregnant has left me at a size I would rather not mention. But here is the big damning revelation - I am currently the exact same weight as I was when I was 9 months (+ a few days) pregnant! How I reached here is a really looooooong story, whittled down for your perusal below :

Chapter 1. Pregnancy, Childbirth and first year of baby : We went to Zurich when I was 7 months pregnant as I have mentioned before. So I happily gained a few extra kilos(extra to the ones I should have ideally put on) in the last few months of pregnancy because of the extra (yummy) food that I suddenly had access to - read- cheese, bread, baked goodies and err..chocolate!! When baby was born I did lose some weight and went on a spree of weird diets to help me lose the extra tyres. Here may I thank Dr.Atkin, Grapefruit and boiled egg, Beyonce Knowles aka Master Cleanse and a host of weight loss supplements readily available at the friendly neighbourhood Pharmacy.

Chapter 2. Baby's second and third year: This period was a stressful period due to various reasons that I will not get into here. But will suffice to say, that emotional eater had by now become my middle name, so much so that it had come and 'round'ly sat on my mid-section! During this time I made my acquaintance with Messrs.Fat Loss for Idiots (Google it up), Beyond Calories, Raw food chicas, The VLCC institute of whip-thin rude nutritionists and sweaty hot pulse weight loss machines, Personal trainers, Bolly-robics, Plain Vanilla Bollywood dancing, Altitude Chambers (Reduced oxygen and all that jazz), and my favourite thus far Dr.Dukan (I even bought the special oat bran from Paris!). This was also the time when things like Acai Berry, flaxseed oil, Sibutramine and other such exotics entered my medical cabinet. And also a thing called Eltroxin - for the lil mister Thyroid gland who had apparently gone stuporous during my pregnancy. Long story, short : If you showed me a new 'sure-fire' method of weight loss, I would be sure to give it a go! Sigh! Weight gained during this period cancelled out any weight loss I had had after delivery!

Chapter 3. Year Four and running : Well I am not the one running. Weight loss efforts have been pared down after a very real and very painful 'gym' injury (Yes, one of the few times that I was there!). I tried to learn swimming, but - cough, cough - after a near drowning experience, have well - given up on that for the time being.

Now that leaves me fair and round at round one! Zero Points :(

What should I do now? This year, as in the last few years, as my birthday huffs and puffs its way around I am again lost for answers while the adipose cells are possibly settling down with the popcorn or whatever it is that makes them stick to me like fevicol ka mazboot jod!

So I have set myself a small challenge - only for the month of April. What it is I am not going to say here. If I meet it -swell. If I don't then well, there is another not so funny blog post coming your way! Wish me luck - and, oh - a Happy-go-lightly Birthday!

The week that was!

What a strange week it has been. I've been ill (with a clogged ear, nose, throat, head...will spare you the details) - and have not really had time to realize it. The beauty of having a child is that once the motions of the week start, you really have not much time to dwell on ailments and other derailments ;) Unless of course you are unbearably ill or something. Anyhow, I managed somehow with Paracetamols and Sinarests of the world, till I realized on Saturday that the uneasiness that had begun the week before with fever had not yet subsided, so I had to finally finally resolve to antibiotics! Am still not completely A-ok, but hopefully should be better this week with the antibiotics etc.

This week is of course going to be shorter, what with the long Easter weekend coming up. We have nothing planned other than going to church all four days! After a winter of discontent the heat is catching up with Mumbai now. I am getting all worked up thinking about how to entertain the kidlet this summer, once her vacation starts! We have planned a short trip in May but for about 3 weeks before that there is nothing planned as yet. The last two years I had sent her to a Summer camp ( 3 hrs of craft, activities, singing games etc. ) at the Toddler Activity Centre at Worli. But this year I don't want to do that again. For one, the idea of shunting ourselves about town during holidays is a royal pain! Holidays are meant for laziness (Ok, a bit!) and relaxation no? I'm actively looking for options near home - but the sad part is the few that are there are really not that great (alright you can judge me, but I would expect a certain standard for any activity. If its not worth it then kidlet could rather watch TV at home than go out and do something totally wasteful!). Have heard a lot about Raell Padamsee's acting workshop - so I may be enrolling her for that given her penchant for full on dramebaazi!

Lets see!

Sorry about this totally random rant. I had some mind-boggling(!!) topics lined up to blog about, but this illness has really slowed me down :(

Hope you have a great time this summer, wherever in the world you are. Cheerios :-)

And then we have special days

Or right now, today is 'Fathers Day' in kidlet's school. Last year too they had one. Wherein the Dads, those beings who get parenting medals for being chief wage earners and general entertainment specialists , get a whole day (of school) dedicated to their wonderfulness! Do a sound a bit jealous now? Well, thats because I am - a bit - very teeny bit - jealous. Not to mention they don't even have a 'Mother's Day' to compensate.

Anyways, minor cribs apart, the entire last week has been quietly anticipatory. I have caught the kid singing her 'Daddy' songs inside her little tent or surreptitiously in front of the mirror. Obviously they have been preparing and rehearsing at school . There will be games played and cards given. The teacher apparently asked the children what they liked to do most with their Dads or like kidlet puts it "Why you love Daddy a lot?". I'm smiling thinking about it. Especially so, since she has told them something on the lines of 'video games' ;)

They also had a Grandparent's Day last year. It had taken me by surprise. Neither of our parents live in town, and I should have ideally liked some advance notice on this one. Though by a happy coincidence, my parents had come to town on a trip at the time, and there was a really lovely memory that was created that day. My parents were beaming, they had received acknowledgement at their youngest (and 15th!) grandchild's school. The school had kindly taken portrait pictures of the children with their grandparents - and that picture is precious indeed. Something, that on my own I have not done.

Which brings me to ruminating on the significance of these 'special' days. Most days I would tut-tut and say, these are over-romantiscised new phenomena that marketeers are using to pander to newly rich pockets. Maybe true. I agree, we all grew up with more or less one special day - which would most likely be our birthday! I do not remember my parents being called to school for anything other than Parent teacher meetings, much less the grandparents being called for anything. Sometimes, the thought does cross my mind that maybe we are really the over-parenting generation. Making life all fairy tale like for our kids.

But then , I pause and think to myself. Is it really that bad to celebrate family?Relationships? People who mean so much to us. Sure, we love them regardless of the day maybe even tell them often too. But taking out some time to celebrate that wonderfulness can not possibly be a bad thing. However many cheesy cards and punny rhymes that would mean.

And at the end of the day, however much I joke and whine about all these days. I secretly look forward to them. Wait to be taken by surprise. To be told, 'Yes, I see you. You mean much to me!'. Yes, that cannot be a bad thing. No, Not at all!

Being an asocial Mom

This post has been brewing in my mind for a while now. I have been wondering how to put it across, indeed if it was worth a blog post at all. Anyways I have decided to talk about it now, since there seems to be really not much else to talk about : unless you want to read my review of 'Kahaani' ;)

Here goes then, the dilemma of a somewhat asocial person in the juggernaut of motherhood. When I say asocial I do not mean 'anti-social' which in the true sense of the word means somebody who is against society. Let me be very clear, I am not anti-social. I am, for lack of a better word, a recluse. Left to my own devises, I would rather spend all my time at home, reading books or on the internet. Even when I go out (to exercise, for instance) I prefer times (afternoons, late evenings) when not many people are around. My husband sometimes jokingly refers to me as a homophobe (though what he means is an Anthropophobe). Thats what it is then. It does not bother me (or the spouse, thankfully). If it seems like a perfectly fine thing to you too, you are right. It actually is pretty ok. It takes all types to make the world go around, no? And I've managed to be like this for 30 odd years and no-ones really come up to me and said, 'Arre but why are you like this?'.

But obviously there are some kinks in this way of being. For starters I'm not very good at networking. Put me in a new situation, and it takes me more than what would be the average time to get warm. For example, during the course of my working life, I worked in 3 different cities -offices of the same firm. Every time I reached a new office I would be paralysed by fear. Why? I'm asocial remember. It means I lack certain obvious social skills which help most people to mingle, break ice, forge relationships , etc. etc. I say this with not a dime of self pity. I am just stating the facts.

Very few people who would have worked with me would remember me as a recluse though. They'd say I was more of the class clown. And sadly they would be right! This paradox can be simply explained.Usually people who don't have the social skills to engage with others in a more expected manner use other means to draw attention to themselves. And who ends up being the clown? Someone who goofs up a lot and leads to a few laughs, no? This role is the easiest one for an uneasy person otherwise, trust me!

Either that or I'm just awkward. Sometimes I just jest with myself saying, middle name awkward. Physically awkward, as in limbs a-skelter, eyes a-batting, all the wrong words tumbling out of my mouth at gibberish speed, sometimes inaudible. But the best is this, many a times people who have become friends have come back to me and said, 'In the beginning we thought you were so arrogant!'. Yeah - I guess you come off as stand-offish if you are out sulking in a corner shuffling your feet. And who'd know you are a plain dork if you have 'come close to me and I'll eat you' look on your face!

Anyways, so thats all about me. All huffety puffety people skills and then I go along and beget a child. Of the many things that nobody ever warned me about having a child was this - the enormous amounts of social interaction this would entail. And then we added some sludge to misery by going and having our baby in Europe of all places - in a country where they didn't even speak our darned language. Goodness I was so uptight during my labour that I would temper down my screams to (hopefully) more genteel 'aaaahhhhs' while the true-blue german down the corridor, also in labour, shrieked her lungs out with gay abandon!

After finally getting back to desh-land I realised quite protractedly how much of a village it actually takes to bring up baby. Especially if the baby in question happens to be a night-sleeping averse, screamathon by day, totally marching to her own tune type trooper! We did a fair bit of house hunting and moving around within the country in her second year. It was a lot of effort - both physically and mentally draining. I had nobody to talk to or advise me. It felt like a lone battle. When we moved to Chennai for a few months, I enrolled the kidlet in a mother-toddler programme. So that she could have some company and I could also hopefully make some friends. Given my track record, it took me a phenomenal amount of effort to go through with this thrice weekly ritual of strapping howling child on self and taking her to a class where mothers seemed to have cliques of their own and even the kids seemed far more well-behaved/trained than mine. And as was the case, by the end of six months when I had got myself slightly friendly with about one and a half other Moms it was time to move back to Mumbai again!

By the time we were back in Mumbai (kidlet was just about to turn two) I knew that she would have a speech delay. I have always been cautious about mentioning this in public, because at the end of the day it is my daughter's life and when she grows up I do not want her to feel that I was telling the world her story without her knowing it. But now that she's grown a bit and now that I have met several people who are traumatised by such things, I know that it is better to speak out about these things. Yes, so where was I? Yes, the speech delay. I knew that the best way to help my daughter get talking was letting her meet other kids her age. We were new in town and had taken up an apartment in a fairly old housing society populated by mainly gujaratis. These people had been living there for donkeys years, and they didn't really warm to renters very easily. It was then that I felt really depressed about my asocial ways - I knew that in order to help my daughter, I had to get out of the house more, meet more people and get more friends for her in the the bargain. I had also put her in a playgroup - which she loved - touchwood! But that was for only two hours in a day. I'd spoken to a child psychologist who re-iterated the same - get yourself out more often. Lead by example! Well, the happy fact is that I did. Despite my almost physical dis-inclination to do so, I started taking the kidlet out more. It took a while to break in. I surprised myself by going and talking to strangers - many of them openly hostile - oh groups can be very clannish sometimes I tell you. I started talking to my daughter more. Since I was the only other person in the house most of the time (the husband travels much) I really had to make the effort and talk for two people. I'm telling you, the initial few days after I consciously started to make the effort to talk more, my jaw used to hurt at night. Truth.

Then came the one year of acid-testing. I'll keep it brief because it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, talking about it. We put our daughter in a very highly recommended Montessori nursery. Honestly, we did it because we thought with the 'let the child lead the way' philosophy, our child would have room to grow at her own pace. No such luck!! The darned place had old snarky looneys for teachers. People who screamed and ranted at little children who did not conform (I am not making this up - I've heard enough of it with my own ears). This teacher would call me in almost every week to humiliate me about something or the other. I am told that this is the schools regular tactic - but at that time, I used to rue my tongue-tiedness. I wanted to be able to stand up and tell the lady to buzz off - loud and clear. Both my husband and I fought the negativity as best as we could, but the whole while I felt let down with my inability to engage. Finally in the last month of school, I did gather courage (fueled by enough pent up rage) to go and complain about the teacher's behaviour to the head of the school. Sure enough, the teacher's bad behaviour stopped. Would you believe it - I have kicked myself enough times over the last year for not having done it earlier!!

Luckily, we got out of that nursery and now have gone to a significantly better school. I still find myself tongue-tied and fumbling at parent-teacher meetings and other socials. But with time I have also noticed things about myself which have changed. I no longer rue much over prospective social outings. I've been to several play-dates at other peoples homes where I feel uncomfortable but rather than blowing up the feeling I just keep my mouth shut, sit back and enjoy seeing the happiness on my daughters face.

My mom tells me I was very sociable when I was young. I would go up to strangers and say hello to them, readily welcome visitors to our home and make plans to go to theirs. I'm not sure when all of that changed. My daughter right now, is much like me at her age - sociable and outgoing. I would wish a better outcome for her than for me. That thought is what helps me step out of my comfort zone without many qualms nowadays. That and my daughter's guiding hand, in the play area and elsewhere, where she just sits down next to a child and says, 'Can I play with you? Will you be my friend?'.

At the end of the day, isn't the child the father of man?